Saturday, December 31, 2011

Reflecting on our Year

I would of never thought when 2011 started that it would end up this way. We started talking about if we wanted to have another baby or be done. It seems like we talked about it everyday. Sam said he could go either way. I wanted another baby, but thought things might be easier if we were done. We had been having babies since we got married and now they were finally sleeping through the night and we were actually able to go on a vacation without them and they did great without us. We had a trip to New York that we were starting to plan. I had stopped nursing Finn in January so I was gaining some independence also.

He kind of left the decision up to me. The day we 100% decided he would be "fixed", we were driving home from Seattle and I was already a few weeks pregnant and didn't know it. I will admit it was hard at first. We were excited but a little shocked. Ok, A LOT shocked. I was so sick the entire summer. By time September came around I think things were finally settling in. Then, by the end of the month we learned that we were having a daughter. How exciting is that? We had about 24 hours between finding that out and then finding out something was "wrong".

The month of October was doctor appointments and ultrasounds every week. Paperwork, blood work, interviews with genetic counselors. I think I spent the entire month crying myself to sleep every night. By November we were SO informed and ready. The doctor appointments took a back seat to us enjoying our kids and starting to prepare for our daughter to be born.

December has been an emotional month now that our due date is getting closer. The nursery is painted, her clothes are in the closet. I am going in every 2 weeks for checkups and ultrasounds. I find myself crying more than I had been. I feel so stressed out every minute of the day. I try to run the scenario over and over again in my head of her being born and her and Sam leaving to go have her first surgery and me laying in a hospital bed in tears.

Ever since I became a mother I have become this crazy planner and organizer... almost obsessively. I have a million lists going. What to pack for the hospital, for the boys, what paperwork I need to fill out. Some insurance stuff I need to take care of. Laundry, dishes, errands, and appointments. Making sure his work schedule works around the things I need to do. Sam is on me everyday to slow down and relax. He has been great about stepping in and helping me whenever I need it but it's hard for me to give up control. I feel totally incapable of slowing down. On top of that I don't want the boys to see me crumble so I try to stay strong for them.

I spend so much of my free time doing research. I read everything I can about Spina Bifida, hydrocephalus, Chiari Malformation, club feet, bladder and bowel function and surgeries, latex allergies, ways to improve mobility. It's overwhelming at times but I like to know as much as possible.

So as we say goodbye to 2011 and welcome in 2012 I am trying with every ounce humanly possible that I can stay positive. This year our daughter will be born, Roman will start preschool, and lots of good things will happen. We will feel the lowest of the lows and highest of the highs. I am hoping to come out of this a stronger person and a better wife and mother.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I thought I would write a quick update on whats going on before I forget it all! First of all, I "passed" my additional gestational diabetes test! Thank goodness. I went in for Ultrasound #7 yesterday morning. The baby was looking good! It was hard to see a lot because she is getting so big now she is taking up all the space! She is about 3 pounds right now. It's also hard to get a good look and see how clubbed her feet are because at this gestational age, babies are in there with their feet crossed at the ankles. The fluid is continuing to build up and her ventricle size measured 16mm. They were 14mm at our last appointment. This is a very gradual increase. Which is good because if there was a huge jump, that could be a reason to deliver early and she needs to stay in there as long as she can!

I also had an appointment with my Bellingham OB. She won't be involved with the delivery but I see her for my prenatal care. My blood pressure, baby heartbeat, and tummy size was all good. I go back on the 30th for another prenatal appointment and Ultrasound on January 5th.

My parents are in town for the weekend since our family and my brother and Erin won't be able to make it down for Christmas. We are going to see Santa today then doing our little "Christmas" festivities tonight.

Bobbi and I got Stellas room painted the other day. The color is so amazing! It's a bright lavender color then all the trim is white. It's looks great with the color of the wood floors and the white furniture that is in there. Now just making the transition for Finn to go into a toddler bed and for him to give Stella is crib. I'm kinda dreading this because he sleeps great in his crib and doesn't even try to get out of it. I'm thinking by time we are back from Seattle he will be ready. Sam and his friend Russell are going to eventually make bunk beds for the boys.

I hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season! :)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Anymore surprises?

We are officially into our third trimester now. It's unreal how fast these last couple of months have gone. Next Friday I go in for another ultrasound (#7) to check on Stellas ventricle size. They are monitoring the fluid on her brain. Luckily, this ultrasound and the one 2 weeks after that are done at my doctors office in Bellingham. No more trips to Seattle until mid January to see our "team" down there and schedule our c-section.

Of course, more complications have rose up. My routine gestational diabetes test showed that I may be diabetic. When the nurse called, I really wasn't too upset. I have dealt with so much "bad" news and complications that I am just rolling with the punches. Yesterday I did another test. I fasted for almost 20 hours and had my blood drawn 4 times over a 3 hour period. I am hoping the doctor calls tomorrow with my results. I did a lot of research and feel like I do have many of the symptoms but a lot of the symptoms are common in a healthy pregnancy.

Everyday I still have my ups and downs. I have a horrible fear of going into premature labor. If I did go into labor early the doctors would try to stop it and if it didn't would be flown to Seattle, That's too crazy! I am trying to take it easy but I still have 2 little ones to care for a a house to take care of. I can't believe I worked until 37 weeks with Roman! I am so tired and sick all the time, I'm thankful I have the opportunity to rest throughout the day.

Stella is kicking all the time. I love every time I feel her move. I used to get annoyed with it with my past pregnancies, especially when I was ready to go to bed. This time, every time she moves it reminds me that she is alive and at least for now is safe in my tummy.

I finally went and saw the new Twilight movie. I am a pretty hardcore fan of the books and movies. No I didn't wait outside in line for hours to see the midnight showing, but just ask my husband.... He gets sick of me talking about it! And yes my first girl name was Bella but Sam shot that down fast! It was nice to get our for a couple hours with my best friend and just relax. I know people rag on Twilight but it really means something to me, deep down. And seeing Bellas love for her unborn baby despite the odds, reflect some of what I'm feeling. (Except I am not carrying a half human and half vampire kid :)

We are gonna paint Stellas nursery this week. She will probably do most of the painting while I sit and watch! I have 2 beautiful shades of purple picked out. I am going for a clean and simple look. White crib and bedding with purple accents like the wall color and rug.

Other than all of that, Sam and the boys are doing great. Roman can now write and spell his name. I almost cried the first time he did it. Since turning 4 he has changed so much. Finn is doing good too. His speech is incredible and he can speak full sentences.

Finn: "Roro look, it's Cat in the Hat!"

Roman: "No, I am busy playing DS."

Finn: "No Roro look!! It's Cat in the Hat book!!"

Roman: "Ohhh cool brother!"

I put a new hoodie on Finn the other day and Sam said "Hey Finn, cool hoodie!" Finn replied "My Grandma and Grandpa gave it to me!!"