Monday, May 21, 2012

Rome Dog Millionaire

My dear little sweet baby Stella has pretty much taken over this blog! I thought I would write about my first born, Roman, because he is getting so big and I want to remember this stuff!

Roman is..... Loving, Feisty, Imaginative, Hyper, Inquisitive, Fast, Helpful, Strong Willed, and Creative. I could name about a million more things but those are some of his greatest (and sometimes most challenging) qualities.

He is 4 1/2 going on 13 sometimes. He can put in a videogame and get playing, and download apps onto my Kindle with no problems. I swear he's gonna be teaching me about technology as he gets older. It's not a huge surprise since Sam is the same way. This kids knows A LOT about comic books and super heroes. You could quiz him on Star Wars and there is a good chance he knows the answer. He likes watching The Big Bang Theory, Ricky Gervais show, and Conan with us. Of course he loves cartoons like Batman, Adventure Time, and Star Wars Clone Wars. The other day he said something about Mitt Romney and brought up Stephen Colbert's SuperPAC. What a little smartie!

He loves jumping on our trampoline, playing soccer, and having NERF wars outside with his Daddy and brother.

In a lot of ways he's like Sam. He has lots of interests and hobbies and they are totally made for each other. They have an amazing connection. BUT lately I see a lot of myself in him. It's kinda funny but he is really gaggy and sensitive to things like I am. If he sees vomit or poop he is running in the other direction. He hates the sight of blood and if he saw moldy food he would be sick. He's always been like that. He is also like me where he just chit chats a lot. He will just talk and talk and sometimes it really doesn't go anywhere. He is much more outgoing then I was as a kid. Sam and I were both shy kids and Ro is just the star of the show! He is the party guy and loves to dance.

I love the age he is. It sometimes makes me sad to see him growing up and soon he will be 5 and I will probably cry a bit. He is in the "testing" phase where he likes to see what he can/cannot get away with. It's hard sometimes figuring out how to parent a little boy, not a toddler. We struggle a lot with hoping that we are making the right decisions. We are choosing to homeschool him next year for preschool. He is gonna be one of the older kids in his grade since his birthday is in October. I'd like to keep him home this upcoming year and then after that, start him in Kindergarten.

I'm just really proud of the boy he has become.  Even though he has times where I swear his ears have fallen off, he is really a great son and big brother. He is the leader of the little Abraham Army. Finn and Stella are in good hands!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Love Will Take You

Everytime Stella cries, this runs through my head "Is she hungry, poopy, or too hot? Is her Chiari Malformation acting up and she has a headache? Is her Ventriculomegaly turning into hydrocephalus? Oh my gosh maybe it's really bad! I wish I had an MRI machine at home. Maybe her back is hurting and she has an infection on her repair site.She could have a UTI and I don't know about it and she's in pain. Maybe I will just drive her down to Childrens so they can see her" I feel her head, look at her eyes, examine every inch of her to see what the problem is. So far it seems its all just normal baby fussiness. We are having some breast feeding issues that we are working on (that I truly feel is the Chiari) but other then that she recovers fine from her spouts of crankiness.

Thankfully I have a very reassuring husband. Her doctors are also very reassuring and always give us all the signs to look for and their phone numbers and the "Feel free to call if you think there's a problem...." I still check on her every hour or so through the night. My body is so tuned to it that I perk right up and go into her room to lay my hand on her back. It usually startles her and she snorts and moves around. Then I sigh a breath of relief.

Sometimes when I get up to check on her, I think about Roman being a teenager and out with friends. I think about him driving around and being a typical teenager. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that the worry is never ending! My dad still reminds me to lock my front door at night when we are talking.

I am (slightly) into Twlight, Ok, I'll admit it I love the books and movies. I've been listening to the Breaking Dawn soundtrack a ton lately and there is a song I like and I love these lyrics from it.

If we never found this loveIf we never took that roadIf we hadn't had the heartWe wouldn't have this home

It just reminds me of Sam and I meeting. I think of all the long talks we had about our lives and I don't think we ever in a million years could of pictured of love & joy we would share, bringing these 3 perfectly beautiful and unique children into the world.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I wanted to write something tonight but didn't really know where to start. The other day I put a little update on facebook talking about the peace I've found lately with Stella having SB. When I went back and reread it, I was wondering "Do people think I say all this positive stuff just to look good and who acts like they've got it all together but really cracking at the seams?" I really like facebook because I have a lot of family and friends who I don't see often and it gives me and them a chance to see what's going on in each others lives. I sometimes think that if someone says something out loud enough, they start to believe it. The combination of facebook and being able to 'create' an image of your life for others is fascinating to me.

I truly believe the peace I've found is otherworldly. Meaning there is no way I could of done it on my own, without God helping me every inch of the way. I really don't want to sound like I have this perfect life with a perfect husband and perfect kids. I definitely have my moments where I am not the best version of my self. My husband and I fight sometimes. My kids can be naughty. I have felt at times so much guilt for my daughter having a birth defect that I fear one day she will blame me. I'm a work in progress, as I think we all are even until the end of our lives. I do know that prayer and faith and trusting in God can move mountains in anyones life.

I prayed throughout my csection and pleaded with God as Stella was in surgery. I told God that if my daughter came out of her surgery that I would recommit every once of myself to Him. Looking back I'm thinking, why would I only do that if He saved her? What if something would of gone wrong? Would I have turned my back? I'm slowly (after about 16 years of being a Christian) learning what prayer can do. Not just prayer, but an open dialogue with Jesus. Being able to see doors closed and accepting that sometimes the answer I want isn't the answer I'm gonna get.

So back to the facebook update I did. I wrote it because it's feels like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my chest. I refuse to let her SB rob us and her of being happy. I refuse to let the worry and stress and "What If...?" take away anything that's less then the best for her. Yes, I know there are going to be challenges, and tears, and lots of stress. It could come tomorrow or a year from now. All I can really trust is that my God is GOOD and FAITHFUL and handpicked our daughter for us.

One last thing, I honestly could feel the prayers of others while we were in the trenches. We didn't tell people what was going on for 2 weeks after our first ultrasound. We weren't even totally sure what was happening so we didn't want to give our false information. That was a really dark time for us. Once we finally opened up, we received such an outpouring of love from our friends and family and even strangers. Especially while Stella was being born and her hospital stay. Thanks again for lifting her up in prayer.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What Do I Do All Day?

I never imagined myself being a stay at home mom. Especially after almost 2 years of beauty school and quite the chunk of student loan debt. Once Roman was born, I just couldn't leave him. With how much I made as a hair stylist, it would be paying for daycare. Plus, I love being at home and Sam likes it to so it works perfect.

I have 3 kids, ages 4 and under. All 3 require the same basic needs. Food, clothing, shelter, a clean butt. And LOTS AND LOTS of love. Yet each one has different needs for their age.

Roman is 4. We spent a lot of time teaching him how the world works. Why things happen, how to approach different situations, and what is going on in the world. We work on his letters, numbers, and drawing. He just started reading a few words. He can do basic math and likes to draw. He is at the age where he questions everything and a response of "Because it does" doesn't work anymore and we really have to give him honest thoughtful answers.

Finn is 2. With him it's all about colors, animals, shapes, and letters. He enjoys picture books, where as Roman enjoys listening to a story. He needs help reaching things and putting toys away. He is forming so many thoughts and ideas at this age. It's fun watching him learn.

Stella is 3 months old. She needs constant diapers changes, feedings, being held, hanging out in the baby swing, or doing tummy time. She needs stimulation and lots of smiles and kisses. 

My days start between 5-6 in the morning. Stella wakes up and I'm so tired I bring her into our bed and nurse her while I lay there half asleep. By 7:30, Finn is awake and yelling "Get me out of my crib, Mama!" Then it's a huge battle because Sam tries to get him out and he cries and sometimes stays there till I come to get him. His yelling has awoken Roman. Me getting up wakes Stella up. Now it's 7:45 and everyone is up. Then it's diaper changes, breakfast time, taking the dog out, getting a load of laundry started. Thankfully Sam works a lot of nights so he's home to help with everything in the morning.

There is always always something to do. Someone needs a snack, help with a project, a time out or talking to,  loads of laundry and dishes. There is always a mess to clean up and a meal to be made. We like to take our kids everywhere so lot of our days are filled with grocery shopping, going to the mall, bank, doctor and dentist appointments. There is always an errand to run. Our day has to be put on hold around 1 when Finn goes down for a nap, right after lunch. Sam is gone most nights. It's a crazy crazy time at nighttime. Dinner at 5, followed by cleanup time, bath, teeth brushed, prayers, a book, getting boys tucked in with hugs and kisses and Stella all snuggled in her crib.

After that is my time. Well I'm still busy but everyones in bed so I can move freely :)  I catch up on laundry, and picking up the house. I try to get the house looking good so when Sam gets home it is nice and relaxing for him. By 11pm, I'm usually folding laundry and catching up on an episode of "Real Housewives"

It's SO much work but every minute is worth it. I don't have much of a social life. We both had that time, before babies, to get our crazies out. Sam and I are home bodies and prefer being at home.. We have a date tomorrow night to see Hunger Games. We go out maybe every 6 months. I think we have to force ourselves to take the time to go out and take a breather. Let's see if we can talk about things other then the kids!